More depression - more angst.

I should feel happy, but between the:

heat
feeling lost in my job
boredom
not wanting to participate in this wedding yet not able to say no
loneliness
heat
leaving behind a city that i liked
not feeling settled in at home
hating rm moving out
place we live is alien
being as fat as a barn

I'm suicidal. I really need help - and i don't even have a doctor.