Ah...ranting, raving. Just reading back over what I've posted makes me wonder if I'm really sane or artificially sane. I do thiknk blogging is the best thing that's happened to anything in a long time.

So - I got many things resolved over the weekend. I sold my car (YEAY!) and I turned in my report of sale yesterday, so I feel a huge relief. Although I've got to again get used to the idea of "oh I'll just throw it in the car and run down to..." :) no more. I mean, I have wonderful el Bebe, but he's so hard to drive that it should only be for trips to haul things. But it'll be fine. There's just not that much to do until I have to leave, except pack boxes, and I don't have to go anywhere to do that.

I think living in T will be a good change - change in some form is always good - right? But I think mentally my conceptualization of space will be different - there's just more in T. Things are very spread out. And the atmosphere will be so different - each is preservative in its own way. Here there's always a cool wetness underlying the feel of the air - preservative of the living and mobile. There, it's always warm and dry, desicating - preservative of the dead and inanimate.

All of it has the vastness of the West. It just isn't like this back east.

I'm weirdly somewhat disinterested about going. I want to, but I know the area enough that I won't find things really new or surprising. This is a good thing. Mostly, I'm trying to find what it is that I want to do for the rest of my life. Can anyone really know? I'm jealous of people like Lance Armstrong that are so focused on just one thing, but do it so well. It's the curse of the generalist.

I'm leaving one life behind - I'm in the final planning stages, so for my last day here I have to figure out how I'm going to get to the airport, etc. the easiest, cheapest way. I'm also working that day, so I have to come in to work but leave early.

It's interesting this minimalist way of thinking - what's the bare minimum I need to get by after all my belongings have been taken? It's usually not a lot, we really need to little, and don't realize. This is always a great exercise to remind one of her insignificance.

I can't stand cell phones, so I've gotten rid of mine. And frankly, I'm just fine without it. I don't like the idea that people can call me at any old time, so I never kept the phone on for incoming calls. And it turns out that with just a cheap Costco add-a-minute phone card and pay phones, it's a lot cheaper. Maybe that makes me a Luddite. I don't mind if other people use cell phones, and I definitely see the advantages of them, I just don't care to have one for myself.

Sigh of deep relief - so I got the offer letter late last week, responded, so they should have gotten my response like, this morning. I'm so tired - LH was here almost a week, and though I love her dearly, I'm exhausted and I've got to move! Yeargggh!

I start getting moony about leaving my great city here - even SO told me a tale that he was telling a new acquaintance there that his fiance was moving down from S. She said "wow, your fiance must love you a lot to leave s. for here!".

:) - even LH was saying that she wouldn't be willing to make such a move and she doesn't live here. BUT I have to keep reminding myself that that's not really why I'm doing this. It's because I want something different out of life and I need more school to do that. I have to find the focus to go forward with it, because I feel that time is running short(er).

It occured to me when I was looking at info colleague STP sent me, that I really miss being able to take CS classes and being a part of that.

It seems like life have been full of fits and starts - maybe? I can't see how things would have happened another way. What if I'd gotten everything I'd wanted at age 23? I don't think I'd be happy now - I think I'd be bored and ready to turn all the tables over in my life.

I think I have a much better view now of what I want and what I want out of life. Even over shallow issues like paint colors for walls and what furniture is absolutely essential. In more than one sense - it's so easy to collect junk when you're young, because you don't know what's important or what you'll need for use later, or what is going to tie you down mercilessly later.